The Curse of Being Lovely?

Just before we head for the weekend, i had to blog about this hard hitting question.

What inspired me?
the recent passing of a Glee actor and the 16yo teenager aspiring makeUp artist famous in youTube whom died of cancer, meeting up with some old frends and mainly one of my bosses style of instruction
(weird, as usual).

this week went fine, the usual buzybuzz at work, adjusting to the new hijab wearing, adjusting to the fasting  month, the upsets and vocal in meetings when messages dont get through and drafts over drafts over drafts being slashed off or screwed by bosses.

but one thing that ticked me off, was one comment from one of my bosses  who wrote to me. I had some spelling wrong and formatting all out and the comment was "pls stop this 'abuse' of me checking your mistakes".

 i got the message just before meeting my old frends and can you imagine the bitter feeling behind your tongue you get when uve pretty much screwed up. yep tht feeling.  It sounded as though all these while ive been sending unchecked drafts, ive been non  fully committed in doing my work. i felt offended to the core.

i felt i wanted to respond, "yes it is my fault on all those mistakes, but to call it an abuse? lighten up pls".

but i didnt. i let it passed thru. someone once told me "When your under influenced ie over excited, over angry do not make any decision nor reply a msg" hahha

this morning, after the night  of feeling excited after catching up with frends  sharing of laughters,gossips and such,
i felt calm. i felt peace. i feel i am the mature end than to go low and fight his battle.
the bitter feeling behind my tongue is slowly fading away. i feel i shouldn't feel bad or guilty at all. that i should just let it pass.

Everytime i fall in this hostile situation at work, i always tell my self (a thousand times in my head really) that nothing is forever and this too shall pass. And i strongly believe so. even when my patience is now at its thinnest. i guess the book im reading now "the curse of being lovely" is teaching me that its ok to be bad. its actually quite healthy to not be responsible.


One day i will be a memory to someone and i want to make it the most memorable,  distinctive and inspiring. I dont want to be known as the "such a good girl, too baik in fact" which from the book im reading, ive been potraying it this first 30 or so years of my life.

i am lovely, friendly probably to some (at least to ashraff) the best thing that has ever happend, but i dont want to stop there.
I envy the glee actor who left this world with nothing but good words of his life and that teenage girl who lost the battle to cancer, but won millions of lifes on just living wht she dream to be
I want to be someones inspiration, someones epitome of life, someone they want to grow up to be.
and this starts right now...
Im about to meet my boss to talk about the comment. Bismillahhhhh

 i miss london (tetiba)

all over me

something has come over me.
ever since dhaka, i felt i need to change something in me.
i always have that feeling whenever im too comfortable.

i fear it was a major revolution of something, i have been lazy lately. so change can be nerve wrecking
(boleh ayat? hehehe)
turns out its my hijab wearing that took a real turn.

the first time i covered my hair was not because i wanted to.
well that was in 1997 and i was up north, all culture shock. Plus i had 3 senior "sisters" cornering me etime i have my 3quater shorts on...
they would give lecture and it was really for me to avoid that confrontation situation. I remembered the minute i got on that bus to head back to KL for the weekend, they tudung will  go off faster than you can say "hang nak pi mana tak tahu?"

i remember the first few days i wore tudung (back then it was called tudung, and if you didnt wear it they call you "free hair".
i knw.
honest.)  i felt uncomfortable beyond reasonable patient. I didnt really care that by noon the pin that was suppose to hold it all together, has gone far away form where it was suppose to.
the heat. oh hell ye, i remember feeling stuffy, and sweaty and i had "im a walking makcik" in my head the whole time. really hated it.

then after some time, i got use to it. i mange to maintain the pin at the same place by the end of the day and had it selempang in the right position. it got easier and to some point, automatically becomes necessary to cover.

and so here i am again, back to where it all started..some thing new, something adventurous , something at this point is still uncomfortable. but insyallah, this too will pass.

Picture above is the perfected look,. wht you reckon?

that losing feeling

i dont really have to blog eday, kan?

just that the whole way from home to office(and tht is at least 45 mins), i thougt about what to blog today.

a few days ago i had a weird dream. ( i  call all my dreams weird actually). i dreamt i was in this open highway and i was driving alone. Suddenly i stopped to buy something and left the engine open. When i went back to where i parked my car, it was gone.

i went walking around, i felt angry and frustrated at myself, and worst, i didnt know wht to do. I woke up actually feeling really thankful it was just a dream.I forgot about it, till this morning when i had to fill up gas. it was like dejavu.

so i went to a trusty site for asnwer (yep, you guessed it, ask.com..hehehe) and the answer is actually not bad :

"Well consider this: A car is a mode of transportation and helps us achieve our goals quicker. The fact that someone stole your car would tell me that someone desires to take from you an aspect of your life that allows you to move quickly from one goal to another. It appears that you are a person that succeeds at what you do. Others have taken notice of your success. Your car may be synonymous for quick thinking, or being witty. It may be that you easily connect with others and make friends easily. These are but a few qualities that would make some very jealous. In any case a person that is jealous would want to sabotage or rob you of your success by taking from you the very thing that helps you go from one goal to the next. I can see this done by them trying to embarrass you or by spreading rumors that are not true about you. I can see this by someone trying to ruin your reputation. These are what I see. Guard yourself and be careful to not gossip. Speak good of everyone period. Don't give anyone any ammo to use it against you that may interfere in you achieving your dreams and goals."

KAN?

Inspired form "julia and julie"

I havent actually decided to continue this blog or not for 2013. its not that  i no longer update my life. its more of i have other faster medium ie twitter.

But on my recent trip to Melaka, i watched "julia and julie" (or was it the other way round) about the a girl with no direction in life, decided to work on recipes by the famous julia child, and blog about it. julia child was famous for its book french cooking for amerian kitchen (don't think that's the actual tittle, but you get the picture, right?)

Anyways, the movie inspired in a way that i decided to continue blogging. Even though for a few lines a day. Sadly it has not inspired me to go on a rampage cooking like julie did, (and if you watch the movei, she went all julia child k, and disrupted , almost , her whole perfect life.

Looking back at my blogs, through out the years, i cant help but LAUGH at all the words that came out of me. Seriously.

Poets, feelings of sad and mundane. like seriously! its like im reading another person's blog. ive lost that person because i got happy about life. I met the man im going to grow old with and i gave birth to a boy that i will leave as my legacy to this world. i simply got happy.

anyways (for the second time) lets see what i will blog this year round?
work?
family?
or simply myself?

bismillahhhhhhhh